Obsessive
Comparison Disorder can become an addiction and can feel uncontrollable. With the beautiful invention of Facebook, we have
the opportunity to compare ourselves to everyone, every single day, 24/7. We look at our friends’ “My Life is Awesome”
photos and in turn feel depressed because our life looks nothing like “it’s
supposed to”. We can wake up one day and
feel unwavering determination and it can very quickly spiral into paralyzing
uncertainty simply by looking at the people around us who seem so sure of
themselves. We know that we shouldn’t
compare ourselves to others. But, that’s
easier said than done. Comparison is generally
the fast track to unhappiness. It’s a
recipe for misery. All it does is keep
you focused on what you don’t like about yourself and your life.
So, what do
we do when we realize that we have fully succumbed to the “compare and despair”
epidemic? Here are 13 ways to help cure ourselves of our
society’s new OCD paradigm.
1) Put on
your blinders. Ever notice that most
horses who are in heavily populated areas have blinders on? They are on to help the horse from being distracted
by sights and sounds of the peripheral.
Blinders force them to focus on what’s exactly in front of them. The more we (or the horse) focus on someone
else, and not our own path, the more we lose control.
Question to consider:
What set of blinders can you put on that will help you look straight
ahead?
2) Water your own grass.
When we focus on other people, we lose time that we could otherwise
invest in ourselves. We don’t grow green
grass by fixating on our neighbor’s garden, we do it by nurturing our own.
Question to consider:
What can you do today to water your own grass and turn away from your
neighbor’s?
3) Do a social media detox. Social media can be a
great source of inspiration. But if it
triggers inadequacy, self-doubt, and frustration, then choose to do a detox. Make sure YOU control social media and not the
other way around.
Question to consider:
Map out some new social media limits that you can apply immediately. Then…. Hit the GO button. You’ve got this.
4) Admit your insecurities. If you state openly
that you are vulnerable in an area, then your own tendency to dislike that
trait in yourself will diminish. It is
the path to decreasing comparison with others and accepting yourself.
Question to consider:
What can you admit, out loud, to someone that you trust?
5) Realize that you may not have a clue how others see you.
We think folks know our insecurities.
Probably not. Folks are, as a
whole, too self-conscious to analyze you. They are thinking about themselves. They are likely to project onto you thinks
you would never imagine.
6) We are all on a spectrum. There is someone,
today, that is looking at you. Seeing
things in you that are worthy. You may
never be aware of it. You might want to
adopt traits or habits you see in others.
Yet you are being admired as well.
Think about looking at people from a more balanced perspective,
realizing that there is more than meets the eye. We are all human beings with our own share of
challenges. Just like you.
7) Celebrate what you do. Someone is always going to have
bigger boobs, bonuses, boats, and more boyfriends. We need to
celebrate on the ship we are sailing, instead of drowning as we attempt to swim
to someone else’s.
Post this somewhere.
Embroider it on a pillow. Spray
paint it on your fence. Do what you have
to do continually remind yourself of this.
8) Love your past. Your life might have been messy and
bumpy. It might have been colored by
mistakes, anxiety, and fear. I know mine
has. But all those things were catalysts
to help you become a better, wiser, and more courageous version of
yourself. So, embrace your story and how
much you’ve grown from it. Be proud of
what you’ve done and for wanting to create a better life for yourself.
9) Know that this isn’t the end of the movie.
If you’re not happy with where you are today, remember that this is just
a snapshot of your life. Where you are
today doesn’t say anything about where you’ll be in one or three years from
now. What matters isn’t where you
are. What matters is your mindset,
attitude, and where you’re going.
10) Be Grateful. I know, I know. Insert a big, fat eyeroll. Bear with me.
Oprah said, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having
more. If you concentrate on what you don’t
have, you will never, ever have enough.”
Whenever you find yourself looking at what other people have, remind
yourself of what you’re grateful for.
Assignment: Get out
a piece of paper and spend 10 minutes outlining a gratitude list. Keep it in
your purse or post it somewhere where you will see it frequently.
Shifting the focus from what you don’t have, to what you DO have, will
make all the difference.
11) Be your
own ally. That negative voice inside
our heads can tell you all kinds of bullshit.
Instead of joining in when that mean voice of comparison pops up, choose
to be on your side. Give yourself
GRACE. Be soothing and comforting. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend don’t say
it to yourself.
Assignment: Prepare
a pep talk to yourself to use when you next need it.
12) Stop “shoulding” yourself. Comparison leads to
us “shoulding” all over ourselves. We
say things like: I SHOULD have this by
now, or I SHOULD have come further. But
statements like that just keep us focused on what we’re lacking. Instead of using SHOULD when expressing
commitments use WANT and notice how your inner dialogue shifts.
13) Compare yourself to YOU. If you need to
compare yourself with someone, compare yourself to you. Ask
yourself: What can you do to improve
your life quality? How can you be a
better and more loving person? How can you
be nicer to yourself than you were yesterday?
It’s time to
take back what belongs to you. Comparing
ourselves to others often leaves us feeling frustrated, anxious, and paralyzed
about moving forward. It doesn’t help
one bit in creating the life we want.
Instead, it just takes away valuable time and energy that could have
been spent on building our future.
Whenever you focus on what other people have that you don’t, you give
away your power. Every minute spent on comparing
your path to someone else’s is a minute lost on creating your own.
So, take
back your power from all the people, places, and situations where you’ve left
it and bring it back home. Decide that
your energy will be used for believing, not doubting, and for creating, not
destroying.
Focus on
you. Focusing on watering your grass and
building your path. Focus on being the
best that you can be and share that with the rest of us.
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