When I sat down to think about this, I
realized that I would not advise my younger self to avoid any of the life
experiences that the outside world might label as painful or negative
(i.e.: heartbreak, rejection, bad
choices, lost friendships, divorce, betrayal, etc…) So much good and growth has come from those
“failures”(so in the end, are they truly failures, or just part of the road
that is meant to refine us??—But that’s another blog topic J
). The things that I’d share with “little-girl
Heather” are just simple suggested “pauses” that I’d like her to think on, that
would by no means change the course of her life.
If you could talk to yourself at age 16, what would you
say? Here is my recap of what I might
tell my little miss know-it-all, 16-year-old self.
1) Slow
the hell down. Seriously. For years you’ll think you’re an extreme
extrovert, but you’ll come to find out you’re more of an ambivert (meaning
you’re an extrovert only when you allow yourself the solitude and silence to
recharge frequently). Embrace that inner
prompting telling you to stay home, take the phone off the hook, and say NO to
the person asking for you to lead the next function. Ponder the term BALANCE. Hard work is essential to surviving and
thriving. So is luscious play and deep relaxation. They all play a role in
health and happiness.
2) You think you’re terribly fat. You’re not. Stop saying those words out loud and stop
thinking them. You will have daughters
one day (spoiler alert!) and it is just flat out not O.K. for them to hear you
talk badly about yourself. Nip it
now. Remember always
that a person’s weight or size has nothing to do with the quality of their
soul. Please, please, please — let your obsession with this element of life,
this meaningless element of life, go.
3) 25 years from now, you’ll look around and
realize that Jon Bon Jovi is the only person that you can think of who hasn’t
aged at all. Boom. That’s your proof that you truly know how to
pick a man.
4) Learn to forgive, because those who
wrong you were doing the best they could. (This applies to you too.) Sometimes people
will do deplorable things. And sometimes, the culprit may even be yourself.
Here’s a vital tidbit: Everyone wants to be free from suffering, and everyone
wants to be happy. You aren't meant to
understand the choices, behaviors and words of all mankind. You're simply meant
to pursue your own joy, knowing that others only know what's best for them.
Just like only you know what's best for you. Trust that inner knowing.
5) Cancel all of your tanning
appointments. Do it now.
Your middle-aged self will thank you, as will her dermatologist.
6) You are worthy of big, giant,
fantastical love. Write this down and chant it daily if you
must. Crochet it on a pillow for
your bed. Do what you must in order for
this to sink in. And the second point on this topic: Respect the bounds of love. True love, true
bonds, true friendship, true partnership, can be every bit as exciting as fresh
love. Learn to deny the allure of momentary passion in lieu of something far
greater — deeply connected love, which can also be extremely hot. Remember--You
are worthy.
7) Quit flirting and focusing on the
16-year-old boys around you. Just
let it go. You’ll learn as you get
older, that the male brain does not fully mature until their late 20’s (some
studies even suggest age 30). Take up
basket-weaving or learn to play the ukulele, as it will prove to be a far
better use of your time.
8) Be
present. Even though dreaming and
planning for your future is a part of who you are, savor each moment in your
little ol’ small town, and don’t rush by counting the days until you can move
away for college. When you go to
college, you’ll be so homesick initially that you’d do just about anything for the coziness of
your farmhouse, your mom’s cooking, and the familiar faces of your life-long
buddies.
9) Buy the damn tickets.
Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, and Prince do not live forever. Book.
The. Concert. Drive to New York or Chicago if you have
to.
10) You can do absolutely f*cking anything
you put your mind to. Anything. The most important
thing you can do is show up for your life like you're already the creature of
your dreams. In more ways that you can fathom, you are. And when you do, others
will do the same. And the more you encourage one another, the greater the
likelihood that you will change the world. Together. So don’t stop. And don’t
cower. And give love. And be love. And hold your head high. Because everything
you do, say and think matters.
11) That stubborn,
quick tempered streak you have? Just
wait until you meet a little girl named Gretchen.
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