Just like anything in life, perception is everything. When some people hear the phrase ‘alpha
female’ they think of the most authoritative, powerful, or domineering woman
they know. Others attribute less
complimentary terms such as controlling, bossy, bitchy, and difficult to the
alpha female persona. Throughout my life, I have felt that as a woman, we’re
expected to be strong, resilient, “take-charge”, comforting, and purposeful, which
in turn causes our inner leader to grow.
We come out the other end, battling accusations of being control
freaks.
As a mother of two young daughters, I’ve embraced the role
of guiding and teaching them to be the conductor of their lives, to treat
others with class and respect, along with expecting the same in return. Likewise, I’ve tried to instill confidence,
ambition, motivation, and self-assurance every chance I could because all of us
want our daughters to grow up to be smart, strong, independent, successful, and in
control in of their own lives. We don’t
realize that a portion of the rest of the world may label these traits in a
less than favorable way.
Let’s explore the misconceptions and the realities, from my
perspective, about being an alpha female.
1) Misconception: Alpha’s are bitches.
1) Misconception: Alpha’s are bitches.
Reality:
People often confuse having a backbone for being a bitch. An alpha female will risk tension because she
will not put her needs aside to keep the peace.
If disrespected, she will call that person out, therefore she’s easily
pegged as a villain. The reality is she
has respect for herself and her boundaries.
She has a strong sense of self and her uncontainable confidence is not
easily accepted by society, who is usually taken back by her boldness and
courage.
2) Misconception:
Alpha’s are controlling.
Reality:
An alpha is a hard worker and is passionate about her ideas. If there is a problem, she likes to solve
it. She is often the leader in a group
and voices her opinions and ideas and can make fast decisions. She is sure of herself and it comes through
in her voice in the form of confidence, passion, and experience. Her goal is to make things better.
3) Misconception: Alpha’s are high-maintenance.
Reality:
Alpha’s know their worth and focus on her own integrity. She is not defined by romantic
relationships. She knows what she is
capable of accomplishing with or without a significant other. In other words, the alpha is fully capable of
taking care of herself, buying her own flowers, and meeting her own needs. She is very comfortable in her own skin.
4) Misconception: Alpha’s are blunt and rude.
Reality:
Most alpha’s have a strong personality and know that if she’s going to
tell the truth, then she better expect the truth from others too. She knows the difference between positive
criticism and negative criticism. Also,
since most alpha’s like to challenge (and even to be challenged) they often
call people out on their own bullshit- which makes people get really defensive
and blame the messenger.
5) Misconception: Alpha’s are unaffectionate and
insensitive.
Reality:
Alpha females put forth a tough exterior, which can be misunderstood as
being emotionally distant and cold. An alpha,
rather, is not afraid to be alone and exemplifies a strong sense of self and it’s
hard for the outside world to understand such courageous boldness. An alpha knows how to walk away from relationships
that are harmful--not just romantic relationships but friends, work contacts,
etc. She knows the difference between
compromising for a relationship and settling into a relationship because of
fear, boredom, or both. When you examine
her life, you’ll usually find a strong support group surrounding her because
she knows that everyone needs help, love, and connection. On the other hand, the quiet voice in her
head is always telling her that “You are enough”.
6) Misconception: Alpha’s are dramatic.
Reality:
Correction: Alpha’s seek to AVOID
drama. A true alpha female knows how to
deal with her emotions and puts them into perspective. She knows that it’s okay to be vulnerable and
weak, and knows that strength comes from opening up and showing your weaknesses. She embraces that having balance in how you
live your life is one of the most important keys to a successful, fulfilling
life.
In
summary, if you’re like me, and find yourself cringing when you hear another
woman described as controlling or bossy, you’re in good company. Remember:
Perception is everything and societal labels are multi-faceted. There are times for all of us when we must
evaluate our approach, soften, reconnect and learn from our mistakes. We’ve all handled a situation or two in our
lives poorly and can learn from those poor interactions. But often, a women pegged as
hyper-controlling is simply living boldly, operating in a confident, direct
manner, and steering her life forward with conviction. In my book, that’s not controlling. That’s just living. Living well, in
fact.
If
you’re an alpha-female at heart, you know from experience that being labeled as
controlling or insensitive is simply a rite of passage. My advice:
Continue to speak up, stand proudly, and walk with unwavering confidence. Evaluate your approach, refine, and own your
shortcomings, as needed. Go after the
life you want, despite the negative perceptions, and lead and raise other
alphas to do the same. Only you know how
to live out the best version of yourself, and you have a responsibility to give
the world and your loved ones just that.
So…Go forth and “BOSS your life” my loves. The haters will find something new to hate.
