The Life-Changing Practice of Gratitude

“If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” – Meister Eckhart

I’ve had the pleasure of leading two workshops recently on the power of gratitude, and I have spent a great deal of time submerged in various studies and research findings, reporting on the enormous benefits of instituting daily gratitude practices.  Committing to gratitude exercises can drastically improve the quality of your life and your overall sense of happiness.  What better time than now to develop a simple plan to set aside a few minutes each day to practice gratitude in some format?  The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is often deemed as “the most wonderful time of the year”, so let’s not leave any room for debate. 

Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. In addition, behavioral and psychological research has shown the surprising life improvements that can stem from the practice of gratitude. Giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress.

RESEARCH SHOWS GRATITUDE HEIGHTENS QUALITY OF LIFE

Psychologists, McCollough and Emmons of the University of California, conducted an experiment on gratitude and how it impacts overall well-being.  They took 100 people and asked them to keep daily diaries.  One group wrote about the events of their day without being guided as to what specifically to write about, whether good or bad.  The second group was asked to write about the unpleasant experiences of their day, and the last group was instructed to make a daily list of their blessings.  The results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy. In addition, those in the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, were more likely to help others, exercised more regularly, and made greater progress toward achieving personal goals.

Emmons also conducted independent studies on the connection between gratitude practices and happiness levels.  One study indicates that practicing gratitude can increase happiness levels by around 25%. This is significant, especially when you consider that our body strives to maintain a level and function that feels natural to it, (such as weight, energy, etc.…) your basic level of happiness is set at a predetermined point.  If something bad happens to you during the day, your happiness can drop momentarily, but then it returns to its natural set-point. Likewise, if something positive happens to you, your level of happiness rises, and then it returns once again to your “happiness set-point”. A practice of gratitude raises your “happiness set-point” so you can remain at a higher level of happiness regardless of outside circumstances.

Lastly, Dr. Emmons’ research shows that those who practice gratitude tend to be more creative, bounce back more quickly from adversity, have a stronger immune system, and have stronger social relationships than those who don’t practice gratitude. He further points out that “To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. It just means we are aware of our blessings.”

NOTICE AND APPRECIATE EACH DAY’S GIFTS

People tend to take for granted the good that is already present in their lives. There’s a gratitude exercise that instructs that you should imagine losing some of the things that you take for granted, such as your home, your ability to see or hear, your ability to walk, or anything that currently gives you comfort. Then imagine getting each of these things back, one by one, and consider how grateful you would be for each and every one. In addition, you need to start finding joy in the small things instead of holding out for big achievements—such as getting the promotion, having a comfortable nest egg saved up, getting married, having the baby, and so on–before allowing yourself to feel gratitude and joy.

Another way to use giving thanks to appreciate life more fully is to use gratitude to help you put things in their proper perspective. When things don’t go your way, remember that every difficulty carries within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit. In the face of adversity ask yourself: “What’s good about this?”, “What can I learn from this?”, and “How can I benefit from this?”

THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO PRACTICE GRATITUDE

A common method to develop the practice of gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal.  This exercise basically consists of writing down every day a list of three to five things for which you are grateful; you can do this first thing in the morning or before going to bed at night. Another proposed practice is to partake in a challenge to go 21 days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping. 

Several self-improvement experts have suggested that people wear a certain bracelet or piece of jewelry or set timers to remind them to point out the gratitude in their lives to help condition themselves to be constantly aware of the good around them.

CONCLUSION

Once you become oriented toward looking for things to be grateful for, you will find that you begin to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you previously took for granted. Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations. Today, start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful; in this way, you’ll be on your way toward becoming a master of gratitude.

Later this week, look for my post outlining innovative ideas to practice daily gratitude.  

Simplicity 101

Life is pretty complicated. Things like staying on top of work responsibilities, keeping up with friends and family, paying your bills on time, and making your home seem like it’s clean (all while trying to trick people into believing that you’ve got your life together) just aren’t easy.

I find myself wondering some days if I’ll ever get a break from the balancing act.  When I feel that “overwhelmed feeling” come over me, I stop for 5 minutes and assess. 

Here are a few tips to help you make this week and all weeks simpler. 

1. SET MONTHLY and weekly GOALS.

Set yourself 1-4 goals each month.  This will allow you to start new habits, break down larger goals into manageable chunks, and achieve things you’ve been meaning to do for a long time.

2. CARRY A WATER BOTTLE EVERYWHERE.

We all know staying hydrated is super important, but it’s so much easier to do it if you keep a water bottle with you at all times.

3. DECLUTTER YOUR CLOSET.

You know that feeling when you have too many clothes and nothing to wear? Yeah, it’s time to get real honest with yourself and get rid of the unnecessary and free up some precious space. 

4. WRITE EMAIL TASKS ON PAPER.

If you’re overwhelmed by all of the emails in your inbox, start at the top and write down any requests you’ve received or action items that need to get done. Seeing these tasks on paper helps you prioritize and can help you be more efficient with your time.

5. PACK AN ON-THE-GO KIT.

You know when you have to make an unexpected overnight trip and need to pack in a hurry? Instead of worrying about whether you’re going to forget something, keep a pre-packed kit of products under your bathroom sink so you can grab it in a hurry. Those sample sachets of shampoo and that mini-cleanser you got as a free complementary gift are perfect for your kit.

6. INVEST IN A CROCKPOT.

Okay, it’s not even really an investment, is it? They’re like $30. Maybe $25 at Walmart and even cheaper on Black Friday.  But crockpots can make even the worst of chefs into the Pioneer Woman, and you get to come home to a meal that’s ready to eat immediately. BAM!

7. UNSUBSCRIBE FROM EMAILS.

You know what takes up unnecessary time? Emails you don’t care about. I’ve heard that there is a website that is called Unroll.me that will show you how many lists that you’re subscribed to.  It’s time to get that nonsense out of your life!

8. MAKE YOUR LUNCH THE NIGHT BEFORE WORK.

If you make your lunches ahead of time, you’ll a) make healthier choices by avoiding fast food or restaurants, b) save money, and c) have the option to pack yourself some left over Halloween candy (mini-sized candy bars come with less guilt).

9. GET A PURSE ORGANIZER.

I don’t mean one of those cringe-worthy As Seen On TV purse organizers.  I’m talking about a little bag that you can keep easily-lost necessities like chapstick, hand lotion, bobby pins, and pens. No more wasted time emptying out your bag just to find a hair tie.

10. PLAN YOUR WORKOUTS.

Scheduling workouts into your calendar really helps with accountability and making sure you feel prepared.

11. ALWAYS KEEP VINEGAR AT HOME.

Do you know how many things you can do with vinegar? A MILLION. You can clean your house with it, clean your jewelry, prevent running colors in your laundry, remove stains, remove candle wax, unclog drains, remove bumper stickers…the list goes on! And it costs about a dollar for a giant jug.  Score!

12. LISTEN TO PODCASTS & AUDIOBOOKS.

Sometimes I find that I’m able to process information a lot quicker through audio rather than reading. Also, never underestimate the usefulness of the library (Shout out to Grace A Dow!!) . I download audiobooks and e-books from my library regularly, rather than buying them. Need some podcast suggestions?  Hit me up!  I’ll send you a list if interested.

13. CREATE A FOLLOW-UP EMAIL FOLDER.

Instead of letting read emails pile up in your inbox because you don’t know what to do with them, move them to a follow-up folder. Pick a day of the week and check your follow-up folder to make sure you don’t forget about things.

14. KEEP HEALTHY SNACKS at your desk or in your purse.

Most office’s have an unlimited supply of chips and M&Ms that you probably tend to gravitate towards during the afternoon, but they’re not really doing your body or brain any good. Instead, keep a stash of healthy snacks at your desk to perk yourself up and feel less defeated during the work day.  If you don’t work in an office, keep nuts, fruit, cheese sticks, etc. in your purse to grab when you would normally grab something enriched in excessive carbohydrates. 

15. WRITE YOUR TO-DO LIST BEFORE BED.

Instead of taking 10 minutes to prepare your to-do list in the morning (when you could already be getting down to business), write your list before bed. This way, those pesky to-dos will be out of your head, and you’ll have a much more peaceful sleep.

16. SLOW DOWN.

So many of us are rushing through life, trying to get a million things done at once while attempting to absorb as much information as we can at the same time. Take a few minutes to make some small shifts in your schedule.  Hack, delegate, cancel the unnecessary, ask for help, and/or schedule blocks of time to do nothing or something you enjoy.  Slowing down and being present isn’t easy, but it's possible as long as we're intentional and deliberate.

What I've Learned About Forgiveness

Earlier in 2017, I began to develop workshop sessions as a part of a women's empowerment initiative.  Because I'm writing and researching for these monthly workshops, I have found that my blog posts have trailed off.  I'm going to change this!  Since I'm developing content for these workshops anyhow, I've decided to post various writing pieces that I've composed for workshop purposes, as all are topics that most desire to hear and absorb. 

Last month's workshop was on forgiveness.  The main question that we ask ourselves and others when talking about forgiveness is:  How do I forgive?  If you're like me, you want a clear-cut, bullet-pointed step-by-step guide on how to forgive so we can deal with it once, check off the box, and move on peacefully, thinking very little about the betrayal as we go forward.  But dammit...forgiveness doesn't happen that way.  I'll say it again--DAMMIT!  It's a process.  Yes, and sometimes a long one (insert groan).  It is a daily decision and something that we may have to think on and work through repeatedly.  There are really no short-cuts.

Here are three things that I’ve learned about the “how” of forgiveness:

First, we talk about forgiveness like it's an event, and in my experience, it's just not.  In fact, one of the only things that has helped me heal is to stop saying, "I forgive you" and start saying, "I'm forgiving you."  Forgiveness isn't an event any more than brushing your teeth is an event.  It is something you must do over and over and over again.  Eventually, it becomes a habit.  It does get easier with time.  

Second, forgiveness is like love in that it must move in two directions.  By that I mean we cannot begin to forgive others until we have learned to forgive ourselves.  If you are having a hard time forgiving someone in your life, begin practicing this phrase:  "I forgive myself for buying into the belief that..."  Say it to yourself daily.  

Examples:

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I could have stopped what happened to me.

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I am damaged goods

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I deserved what happened to me.

I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I will never be happy.

Forgiving myself allows me to forgive others. Start with self-forgiveness.

Finally, and this may be the most important thing I've learned about forgiveness, is that forgiving does not mean forgetting.  We get this so wrong in our culture.  Sometimes the most forgiving thing we can do, for ourselves and for the person who has hurt us, is to say, “thank you for what you have taught me about myself and about life. I’m moving on.”

Forgiveness cannot take place without also honesty, boundaries, space, distance, time. You do not have to feel guilty about this. It is not a rejection of the other. It is a radical acceptance of yourself.   Imagine the person that has hurt you most and say the below to yourself:  

“I am forgiving you. By that I mean, I’m not going to blame you or hold you responsible for my life or my future any longer. The power to shape what is coming is mine now. I take it back for myself. I reclaim my power. And that grudge I’ve been carrying, well, it’s hurting me more than it’s hurting you, so for that reason, I’m going to set it down. I’ll see how it feels to walk around without it, a little lighter, a little freer. And I don’t have to make any promises about the future—except that I will try again tomorrow.”

This "forgiveness mantra" has proved so helpful for me in my own forgiveness journey.  Write it down, print it, keep it in your wallet or purse, memorize it, or hell, embroider it on a pillow.  The key for me has been to decide and practice forgiveness every day.  And slowly and surely the load will get lighter and lighter.  

Real Life Solutions for Anxiety and Panic

Recently, I led a workshop on anxiety.  In my preparation and research, I reflected on the tools that I internally reach for during my 30-year journey with anxiety and panic.  I came up with the following list of coping mechanisms that have helped me during small and large bouts of anxiety.  I hope that this list provides you with some new, easily applicable solutions if you struggle as well.  

1)  Interrupt your thoughts.  Try to use your imagination to create a device to help you stop your negative thoughts, as soon as you recognize them.  Some people visualize a stop light or sign, or imagine hearing a buzzer or alarm.   When I've started down a slope of anxiety-filled thoughts, I have even said the word "switch" out loud.  Saying it out loud actually stops what is going on in your mind and it gives you some control to shift your thoughts to something comforting (a vacation, or recalling a happy memory--have one prepared). 

2)  Keep headphones in your purse and with you at all times.  When something triggers you, have songs downloaded on your phone so that you can plug in and block out sounds around you.  Some of my favorite songs to play when I need strength:  

It is Well- Kristin Demarco, In the Eye of the Storm- Ryan Stevenson, and 

10000 Reasons- Matt Redman.

3)  Try the grounding technique (it truly does work):  Look around you.  Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.  It can help you regain your control.  

4)  Breath slowly and steadily from your core.  Repeat a comforting verse over and over in your head or out loud, or a favorite affirmation.  Create a mantra for yourself. Verses that I use:

·         "I can do all things through Christ who comforts me",

·         "The Lord is my light and salvation- of whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?"  

·         "In God I trust, I will not be afraid",

·         "Do not fear for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you and uphold you with my righteous hand" 

·         "I take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the shadow has passed."

·         “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

5)  Challenge the attack- Keep reminding yourself that these feelings are temporary.  These are only uncomfortable feelings- they can't hurt you.  Repeat this or even chant it in your head.  Or tell yourself over and over:  "Do not go there".  

6)  Move.  When you feel these intense feelings coming on, find a bathroom and pace if needed or march in place or find something to count (look outside and count cars, trees, buildings, etc...)

7)  Breathing 7/11:  Use your diaphragm to breathe in 7 seconds and breathe out for 11 seconds.  This prevents hyperventilation and helps calm you.  

Just as important as the above tips and tricks, take time to evaluate your lifestyle and focus on the basics:  Get enough sleep, limit sugar, limit alcohol, limit caffeine, drink 8 glasses of water, eat protein, exercise, and know your triggers and prepare for them.  

Creating a Vision Board

"When you want something all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." - The Alchemist (Paulo Cuehlo)

I created my first vision board well over 15 years ago when I was in the process of self-discovery and struggling with feelings of insecurity and feeling lost most days. At the time, vision boards were unfamiliar concepts.  To many, they still are.  Back then, I was intrigued with the idea of finding photos and words that depicted my future dreams and desires.  But honestly, I was mostly just following along with the program.  I have a strong creative streak, so, I just went with it. 

Upon finding this old vision board a few months ago, and accessing its “half-hazard” nature, (photos found in magazines) I realized that the goals that I threw on the cardboard made more sense to me now than they did 15 years ago.  I had accomplished most of what I outlined, and what I didn’t fulfill, I noticed that I had been redirected to something more fitting for my values.  I realized also that there is significant power in getting clear on what we need, want, and value.  A vision board allows you to physically hold in your hands a “vision” for our needs, wants, and values, but then it goes a step further and it helps us take aligned action towards those intentions.  One of the most powerful decisions I ever made was to take responsibility for my life, instead of just letting life happen to me. A vision board is one way of taking that responsibility. 

I’m in the process of creating a new vision board that I hope to have completed by the end of April 2017.  I’m publishing this blog post now, rather than after its completion to give you the opportunity to come along with me in creating one.  Don’t worry, I will post the final product (and if you choose to engage, I’d love to see yours as well).  So, let’s explore how to do this. 

First, you must determine if you want to create your board the “old-fashioned” way with a glue stick and photos that you locate online (you could do magazines, but with the internet our fingertips, you’ll have far more selection for images).  Or if  you spend a great deal of time in front of a computer, having a digital board to look at on your phone, computer, or tablet makes it easy to keep goals and general wants close at hand.  Still, others that I’ve worked with have located images online and created photo books, inserting their own text and details on each of the pages.  Want to make it more fun?  Have a vision board party.  Who can refuse a night of crafting with a side of soul searching?  Or everyone can bring their laptops (you supply the Wifi) and design their digital board in a group setting.  You pick what method works best for you. 

Step 1:  Self-exploration-Discern your intentions.  What do you want? What do you need? What do you value? And how do you want to feel when those things are made manifest?  Apply these questions to various compartments of your life such as:  career, wellness, spirituality, relationships, and personal.  This should get you started on a soul-searching journey to assist you in knowing what images to include on your vision board. 

Step 2:  Find images.  Use your own photos or photos that you have found online that match your goals, values, and aspirations.  Save them to a folder so that you’ll have them all together. 

Step 3:  Decide how you want to design your vision board.  Do you want a vision book?  If so, upload your images to Shutterfly, Walmart photo, Meijer photo, etc. and begin inserting your images, along with your narratives onto the pages.  Do you want to create an old-school board?  Print out your images and begin organizing them on a poster or cork board.  Or lastly, do you want to design a digital board?  PicMonkey is a great website/app to try if you want to go this route.  There are many design features available and size and orientation are up to you, along with textures and borders.  You’ll need to upload your images to PicMonkey and explore with their options and add-ons. 

Step 4:  Add your personal touches. Write inspirational quotes or power words, or find quotes to download or print to include on your board.  

Step 5:  Save and display.  The beauty of creating a digital board is that you can save it as your screensaver, and print several copies to display in on your fridge, in your office, and even your bathroom mirror.  It’s also useful to have a copy in your planner and your purse to refer to it at will. 

Step 6:   Reassess at least yearly.  Continue to check in and ask yourself how things are going. Make adjustments and keep fine-tuning. Trust the process and remember, you wouldn’t be able to dream it if it wasn’t a possibility.

These steps should give you enough information to get your vision board project underway.  When taken seriously, this can be a fun, revealing, and purposeful endeavor.  Most importantly…Remember this: The power is not in the vision board, the power is in what you do to make your vision reality.

From One Alpha to Another

Just like anything in life, perception is everything.  When some people hear the phrase ‘alpha female’ they think of the most authoritative, powerful, or domineering woman they know.  Others attribute less complimentary terms such as controlling, bossy, bitchy, and difficult to the alpha female persona. Throughout my life, I have felt that as a woman, we’re expected to be strong, resilient, “take-charge”, comforting, and purposeful, which in turn causes our inner leader to grow.  We come out the other end, battling accusations of being control freaks. 

As a mother of two young daughters, I’ve embraced the role of guiding and teaching them to be the conductor of their lives, to treat others with class and respect, along with expecting the same in return.  Likewise, I’ve tried to instill confidence, ambition, motivation, and self-assurance every chance I could because all of us want our daughters to grow up to be smart, strong, independent, successful, and in control in of their own lives.  We don’t realize that a portion of the rest of the world may label these traits in a less than favorable way. 

Let’s explore the misconceptions and the realities, from my perspective, about being an alpha female.
1)  Misconception:  Alpha’s are bitches.

Reality:  People often confuse having a backbone for being a bitch.  An alpha female will risk tension because she will not put her needs aside to keep the peace.  If disrespected, she will call that person out, therefore she’s easily pegged as a villain.  The reality is she has respect for herself and her boundaries.  She has a strong sense of self and her uncontainable confidence is not easily accepted by society, who is usually taken back by her boldness and courage.

2)  Misconception:  Alpha’s are controlling.

Reality:  An alpha is a hard worker and is passionate about her ideas.  If there is a problem, she likes to solve it.  She is often the leader in a group and voices her opinions and ideas and can make fast decisions.  She is sure of herself and it comes through in her voice in the form of confidence, passion, and experience.  Her goal is to make things better. 

3)  Misconception:  Alpha’s are high-maintenance. 

Reality:  Alpha’s know their worth and focus on her own integrity.  She is not defined by romantic relationships.  She knows what she is capable of accomplishing with or without a significant other.  In other words, the alpha is fully capable of taking care of herself, buying her own flowers, and meeting her own needs.  She is very comfortable in her own skin.    

4)  Misconception:  Alpha’s are blunt and rude.

Reality:  Most alpha’s have a strong personality and know that if she’s going to tell the truth, then she better expect the truth from others too.  She knows the difference between positive criticism and negative criticism.  Also, since most alpha’s like to challenge (and even to be challenged) they often call people out on their own bullshit- which makes people get really defensive and blame the messenger. 

5)  Misconception:  Alpha’s are unaffectionate and insensitive. 

Reality:  Alpha females put forth a tough exterior, which can be misunderstood as being emotionally distant and cold.  An alpha, rather, is not afraid to be alone and exemplifies a strong sense of self and it’s hard for the outside world to understand such courageous boldness.  An alpha knows how to walk away from relationships that are harmful--not just romantic relationships but friends, work contacts, etc.  She knows the difference between compromising for a relationship and settling into a relationship because of fear, boredom, or both.  When you examine her life, you’ll usually find a strong support group surrounding her because she knows that everyone needs help, love, and connection.  On the other hand, the quiet voice in her head is always telling her that “You are enough”. 

6)   Misconception:  Alpha’s are dramatic.

Reality:  Correction:  Alpha’s seek to AVOID drama.  A true alpha female knows how to deal with her emotions and puts them into perspective.  She knows that it’s okay to be vulnerable and weak, and knows that strength comes from opening up and showing your weaknesses.  She embraces that having balance in how you live your life is one of the most important keys to a successful, fulfilling life. 

In summary, if you’re like me, and find yourself cringing when you hear another woman described as controlling or bossy, you’re in good company.  Remember:  Perception is everything and societal labels are multi-faceted.  There are times for all of us when we must evaluate our approach, soften, reconnect and learn from our mistakes.  We’ve all handled a situation or two in our lives poorly and can learn from those poor interactions.  But often, a women pegged as hyper-controlling is simply living boldly, operating in a confident, direct manner, and steering her life forward with conviction.  In my book, that’s not controlling.  That’s just living. Living well, in fact.   

If you’re an alpha-female at heart, you know from experience that being labeled as controlling or insensitive is simply a rite of passage.  My advice:  Continue to speak up, stand proudly, and walk with unwavering confidence.  Evaluate your approach, refine, and own your shortcomings, as needed.  Go after the life you want, despite the negative perceptions, and lead and raise other alphas to do the same.  Only you know how to live out the best version of yourself, and you have a responsibility to give the world and your loved ones just that.  So…Go forth and “BOSS your life” my loves.  The haters will find something new to hate.  

Eleven Things That I Would Tell My 16-Year-Old Self

When I sat down to think about this, I realized that I would not advise my younger self to avoid any of the life experiences that the outside world might label as painful or negative (i.e.:  heartbreak, rejection, bad choices, lost friendships, divorce, betrayal, etc…)  So much good and growth has come from those “failures”(so in the end, are they truly failures, or just part of the road that is meant to refine us??—But that’s another blog topic J ).  The things that I’d share with “little-girl Heather” are just simple suggested “pauses” that I’d like her to think on, that would by no means change the course of her life. 

If you could talk to yourself at age 16, what would you say?  Here is my recap of what I might tell my little miss know-it-all, 16-year-old self. 

1)   Slow the hell down.  Seriously.  For years you’ll think you’re an extreme extrovert, but you’ll come to find out you’re more of an ambivert (meaning you’re an extrovert only when you allow yourself the solitude and silence to recharge frequently).  Embrace that inner prompting telling you to stay home, take the phone off the hook, and say NO to the person asking for you to lead the next function.  Ponder the term BALANCE.  Hard work is essential to surviving and thriving. So is luscious play and deep relaxation. They all play a role in health and happiness.

2)   You think you’re terribly fat.  You’re not.  Stop saying those words out loud and stop thinking them.  You will have daughters one day (spoiler alert!) and it is just flat out not O.K. for them to hear you talk badly about yourself.  Nip it now.  Remember always that a person’s weight or size has nothing to do with the quality of their soul. Please, please, please — let your obsession with this element of life, this meaningless element of life, go.  

3)   25 years from now, you’ll look around and realize that Jon Bon Jovi is the only person that you can think of who hasn’t aged at all.   Boom.  That’s your proof that you truly know how to pick a man. 

4)   Learn to forgive, because those who wrong you were doing the best they could. (This applies to you too.) Sometimes people will do deplorable things. And sometimes, the culprit may even be yourself. Here’s a vital tidbit: Everyone wants to be free from suffering, and everyone wants to be happy.  You aren't meant to understand the choices, behaviors and words of all mankind. You're simply meant to pursue your own joy, knowing that others only know what's best for them. Just like only you know what's best for you. Trust that inner knowing.

5)   Cancel all of your tanning appointments.  Do it now.  Your middle-aged self will thank you, as will her dermatologist. 

6)   You are worthy of big, giant, fantastical love.  Write this down and chant it daily if you must.  Crochet it on a pillow for your bed.  Do what you must in order for this to sink in.  And the second point on this topic:  Respect the bounds of love.   True love, true bonds, true friendship, true partnership, can be every bit as exciting as fresh love. Learn to deny the allure of momentary passion in lieu of something far greater — deeply connected love, which can also be extremely hot. Remember--You are worthy.

7)   Quit flirting and focusing on the 16-year-old boys around you.  Just let it go.  You’ll learn as you get older, that the male brain does not fully mature until their late 20’s (some studies even suggest age 30).   Take up basket-weaving or learn to play the ukulele, as it will prove to be a far better use of your time. 

8)   Be present.  Even though dreaming and planning for your future is a part of who you are, savor each moment in your little ol’ small town, and don’t rush by counting the days until you can move away for college.  When you go to college, you’ll be so homesick initially that you’d do just about anything for the coziness of your farmhouse, your mom’s cooking, and the familiar faces of your life-long buddies. 

9)   Buy the damn tickets.  Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, and Prince do not live forever.  Book.  The.  Concert.  Drive to New York or Chicago if you have to. 

10)  You can do absolutely f*cking anything you put your mind to. Anything. The most important thing you can do is show up for your life like you're already the creature of your dreams. In more ways that you can fathom, you are. And when you do, others will do the same. And the more you encourage one another, the greater the likelihood that you will change the world. Together. So don’t stop. And don’t cower. And give love. And be love. And hold your head high. Because everything you do, say and think matters.

11)  That stubborn, quick tempered streak you have? Just wait until you meet a little girl named Gretchen.  

Why I Love to De-Clutter and Organize

January Happiness Project Update:  Lessons in Simplifying

Finding time to declutter, purge, organize, and simplify is the plague of most busy, hard-working women.  My January Happiness Project/ Life Audit surrounded embracing the minimalist life and simplifying my world, internally and externally.  Like every new project, my efforts started slow.  With the aid of smart phone apps, e-mail subscriptions, and calendar prompts, I was able to have affirmations delivered to my phone daily, along with prayers and devotionals, and calendar alerts for destressing and meditation breaks.  I decluttered all rooms on the first floor of my home (the basement is still a holy disaster).  Most days, I prepared for the next day the night before and I utilized my journal pretty religiously.  I can’t claim that I faithfully checked off everything in my bullet journal each day or week, but I can say that I practiced simplifying more so in January of 2017 than any other month prior, due to developing this Happiness Project, as well as, PURPOSEFUL INTENT.  The lesson in taking on a project such as this is not perfection or to be masters in excessive productivity.  It’s to be more mindful, present, clear, and intentional when it comes to matters of self-improvement.  Small steps are a success. 

One night, after I “gutted” my final closet, I sat back and reflected on why it feels so good to declutter our physical surroundings.  Here’s why you should ditch the odds and ends that are making your home disorganized for good.

1)   It reduces your stress.  There is actually a link between homes with excessive objects and high cortisol in women.  Translation:  The more stuff you have the more stress you will experience.  A messy home fosters feelings of unbalance and failure.  (And may I jump in here and remind everyone to stop beating themselves up over past clutter transgressions? It's never too late to turn your home into a place you truly love.)

2)   It eliminates excessive germs and improves our overall health.  Think about it: If you can't see the surface of your kitchen counter, how can you wipe it clean? And if your clutter habits include leaving dirty dishes out overnight, you're basically inviting bacteria and possibly critters into your home. Nobody’s got time for that. 

3)  You can find things more easily.  Reducing your possessions allows you to find items more quickly, saving precious time. No longer will you have to hunt through a stash of earrings but easily choose one from the organized collection you have retained. No fishing around among a mountain of handbags or rooting through hanger after hanger of clothes. The choice is quicker and easier.

4)  A home that is tidy is quicker and easier to clean.  The fewer possessions you have, the neater your house will be and the easier it will be to keep clean.  Think of it this way:  Each possession has a place, or a "home", making it easier to pick up and keep in order.  This is only possible if you reduce the amount of your material items.

5)  It’s freeing and an uncluttered house usually means a less cluttered mind.  As you begin to detach from material possessions and place more importance on experiences rather than things, you will sense a feeling of lightness and freedom, which can become addictive.  I love this new sense of freedom I feel from no longer being surrounded by piles of unnecessary items I never use. This allows me to focus instead on people and experiences.

6)  Finding undiscovered space: Once you toss, donate or trash the things you don't need, you might find use for a space you didn't realize you had. Although it's easier to visualize some spaces for artwork and furniture, the actual purpose for a space might change with a little less in it. An empty corner might be a library, a hallway might be an area for a desk or a computer.

If you want to develop your own little Life Audit/Happiness Project, it isn’t too late!  It’s only February for heaven’s sake!  Read my last two blog posts from December 31, 2016—Life Audit/Happiness Project 2017 and Part 2 Life Audit/Happiness Project to guide you through the process.

February’s Happiness Project is focusing on strengthening your creative bone. Look for an update in March.