8 Ways to Detect a Toxic Person

Toxic people are everywhere—they are living next door and down the street, lurking around every corner at work, standing in the grocery store line, and even living amongst our families or under our own roofs.  Not all toxic people are inherently bad right off the bat; therefore it’s easy to become entangled without noticing their poison.  And let’s face it, no one is either “all bad” or “all good”.  The whole person is not toxic; their behavior is.   Life’s difficulties have left them wounded and a toxic person is not ready or willing to take responsibility for their problems.  They become a victim or a manipulator, a bully, or a martyr, in order to try to get their needs met.  And while doing this, they will suck the joy from your life, drain you emotionally, and inject poison into your already challenging days.  Since it’s pretty much a given that you will have a toxic person in your life at one point or another, it is essential to learn how to recognize them.  My next blog, later this week, will outline how to handle them. 

Here are 8 top warning signs that will help you detect toxicity in a person from the get-go:

1)  They are needy/selfish:  A telltale sign of a toxic person is their inability to listen.  They are concerned with their needs, their wants, and their feelings, and have little regard for yours.  Narcissism is often a word used to describe them.  They will demand and control and manipulate as long as it serves their needs. 

2)   Drama surrounds them:  They thrive on the negative, chaos, crisis, and messiness.  They will use the constant drama to drum up sympathy and to cement their victimhood.  They are not content with a calm life.

3)   They speak unkindly of others:  Have you ever been around a person who doesn’t seem to have a nice word to say about anyone?  They are always pointing out flaws, belittling accomplishments, and criticizing others.   Rest assured:  “Who gossips to you, will gossip about you”. Steer clear.  

4)  Blame is their middle name:  Toxic people are always the victim.  You’ll notice that nothing is ever their fault, and someone else is always to blame.  Beware of the person who never owns their mistakes or who cannot point out any of their own shortcomings, thus evading personal responsibility. 

5)  They are always right:  They will fight and argue even minor topics, ignoring common sense and logic, turning simple discussions into hefty debates.  They are too thin-skinned to be wrong.

6)  Truth and honesty are not within their core values:  Toxic people usually are quite comfortable telling white lies and possibly big lies in order to make themselves look good, make someone else look bad, or to hide their personality flaws (or all three!).

7)  They hold grudges:  We all have had bad experiences and we’ve all had our run-ins with bad people.  A healthy person experiences the negative emotions associated with life’s unfairness and moves forward without drudging up the negative experience repeatedly.  Toxic people stay stuck in the past and they do not move forward.  They will gladly retell their misfortune to whoever will listen. 

8)  The person will attempt to control you:  They will pressure you to think like them, to agree with them, and to act like them.  They will manipulate the truth as much as necessary in order to keep you where they want you.