Growing older has its perks (at least that is what I’m trying to tell myself as I face the big 4-0 later this year). I frequently find myself saying, “If I knew then what I know now…” in relation to a current situation where I compare my reaction presently to how earlier versions of Heather would have reacted. Some things that previously would have “eaten me alive”, do not even elevate my blood pressure today. Not even a blip. When I recognize this growth, it makes me stop and realize that I must have learned the lesson that was required of me and God has moved along to another area to refine. In those moments, I’m thankful for my experiences, both good and bad, as well as the hard lessons I’ve had to learn, and even the aging process, because it’s a sign that I am fulfilling my purpose.
Although I believe that every person has to live out their own journey, make their own mistakes, and learn their own lessons through experience, I also believe that we were put on this earth to connect. Connection means we share our big lessons with one another, in hopes that someone can learn from someone else’s hard-earned insight. For many years, I have jotted down pieces of wisdom in my journal, in hopes to one day collect them all and present them to my daughters. In organizing this writing piece, I found that compiling all of my life lesson tidbits (so far) awakened my drive to want to share the adventures of my heart with them even more. By sharing this with you, I’m hoping that it compels you to want to do the same thing for your children. We have so much to learn from one another. As Steve Jobs said, “Life is about creating and living experiences that are worth sharing.”
- Listening will gain you more friends than talking. Learn to be a good listener if you want to be the kind of person who can make friends anywhere.
- Let your No mean No and your Yes mean Yes. Respect yourself enough to think through something, give your answer, and stick to your decision. People will push you as far as you’ll let them.
- Asking repeated questions is a form of control. Watch out for friends or potential partners who are constantly asking you questions about your whereabouts, what you’re doing, who you’re with, why you did what you did, etc…
- Beware of white liars. Small liars are also big liars.
- Do not gossip. If you’re saying something to someone else that you would not say to their face, stop saying it. If you’re typing something you also wouldn’t want forwarded, then don’t send it. If you want to have a good reputation and be known as trustworthy, DO NOT GOSSIP.
- When you have a boyfriend and someday a husband, MAKE TIME for your girlfriends. Nourish your female bonds and keep them strong. Create what I call a lady-tribe. They’ll get you through anything life throws your way. Trust me on this.
- Read. Everyday. This will set you apart and you’ll have a better vocabulary and an expanded perception.
- Trust your gut and value the opinion of your loved ones. If they are all saying the same thing to you, it’s time to pay attention.
- Learn the ways of toxic people early in life and create boundaries. Read the book if you must (it’s called BOUNDARIES). You can love someone without them being in your daily life.
- Read, take notes, and pay attention. Whether you’re at a work meeting, a training, your child’s first grade open house, or a church sermon: READ, TAKE NOTES, PAY ATTENTION. If you do this, you will always be ahead of the crowd.
- Find a job that pays the bills. It doesn’t have to be your heart’s desire. You can pursue your desires on the side and know that not all passions will support you full time.
- Money will not make you happy. BUT, it will determine the quality of your life. Don’t forget that. So make career and education choices according to the quality of the life you desire.
- From the great Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”. People do not change for other people. Trust me on this one.
- And on that note, read Maya Angelou’s books, poems, insights. Keep a book of inspiring quotes and insights next to your bed. You’ll be glad you did this. Also, feel free to borrow mine anytime.
- I did not fully understand the love of God until I became a mother and someone said to me, “Is there anything that your child could ever do that would make you love them less?” My response: “No. I may not LIKE what they do, but I will always love them”. Their response: “Now imagine that God loves you a million times more than that. “ From that moment on, I relaxed about God’s love. I understood. Accept God’s love as soon as you can. It will anchor you.
- OWN YOUR SHIT. Do not blame. Blaming is the way of cowards.
- Keep your role/identity as a woman strong. Always. What I mean is, work relentlessly on your mind, your body, your confidence, your self-worth, your Intelligence, and your spirituality. Don’t get completely lost in being a wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, sister, etc.… to the point that you lose who you are as a woman and what is at your core. There will be seasons when those other roles will define you, but bring it back to the center when you can.
- Confidence is sexy. Don’t constantly text, call, nag, cry, beg, or cling in a love relationship. Being needy is a turn-off and usually is a surefire way to push someone further away. When you feel needy, turn off your phone and do something to fill your cup or to make you stronger as an individual. It’s a far better use of your time than checking your phone every 2 minutes.
- Know that love has no guarantees. Love can be risky. You might fail. Love anyway.
- Understand that you can never get a Whopper at McDonald’s (yes, Gwen…this talk stuck with me after all these years). But, you can get a Big Mac. This means that you may want something from someone that you’re never ever ever going to get from that source (ex: a Whopper at McDonalds). You can get an alternative, which might be the best they can give you (ex: Big Mac). Ask yourself if that relationship (i.e.: father, mother, sister, brother, friend, etc.…) is critically important to you, and if it is, you may have to accept that you can never get what you want from that person. Make peace with what that person can give you. Truly “getting” this concept will save you an incredible amount of heartache.
- Learn how to fight fair. I believe that all happy relationships/marriages have developed the art of fighting fair. Do not ever marry a person who doesn’t.
- Stay close to your siblings. Your sibling relationships will be the longest relationships in your life, so nurture these ties. They will be as strong as you make them.
- Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. No one gets anywhere by remaining in a comfort zone.
- When you’re considering marriage, make sure that person is your absolute best friend. Nourish and work on that friendship every day. The “can’t eat, can’t sleep” new-love feeling will fade, but having a rock-solid friendship will keep you connected in the roughest of waters.
- The sexiest thing in the world is to be SMART, THOUGHTFUL, and GENEROUS. All else is crap.
And the list will keep growing… I promise. Start making yours. We all have a legacy to share.
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