Sept 11, 2000 at 6:36 PM, is the day and moment that my heart, life, and purpose changed forever. My daughter, Faith, was born. Suddenly, things that once mattered greatly in my “20-something-year-old” life were now inconsequential. Television, fashion, make-up, career promotions, furthering my education, even hobbies, all took a far-off placement of importance in my world next to this new love and responsibility. I remember my emotions that day with intense clarity. I felt deathly afraid of leaving the hospital room. I was terrified to be “on my own” without the assistance of medical professionals. I insisted upon watching every infant CPR, breast-feeding, SIDS prevention, and post-pardom video that the Midland hospital had on site. There is a picture of me sitting in a rocking chair with her, during my first few moments at home, and I can remember the exact feelings floating through my body-I felt helpless, weak, worried, scared, out-of-control, …as if I was hovering over my body watching myself being catapulted into a new realm of being. The love that I felt for that little human being was so wide and vast that it hurt my heart. Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did—That everything involving our children was painful in some way.
That joy and love has never left me. Nor has the worry, the helplessness, or the fear of things beyond a mother’s control. My heart goes out to mother’s who do not have a faith in God, as I’ve been able to pray and trust a higher power to protect and guide her when I cannot. The following quote, brings my point full circle: “The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed, and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that- A parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
September 11th is a day that we all remember (our nation’s tragedy occurred when Faith was a year old). It’s a national day of remembrance. But it’s also the mark of the birth of a love that transformed my universe. A love that I didn’t understand before that day. A love that honestly, makes you slightly insane. And a love that I’d never want to live a day without.
Here’s to September 11th. For many reasons.
Happy Birthday, Faith.
